left-handed wanders

last friday was my last day at work. yep, i followed through (ha! you thought i was bluffin?).

im 20 yrs old and i made a u-turn.

im 20yrs old and i went down swingin

im 20 yrs. old and i took my broke-ass home (all the way from makati).

and for the most part I’m ok, for now.

i feel like making hasty generalizations:

guys. batchmates. advertising is full of crap.

I know right?
after three months? shut-up. i’m even upset that it took me that long to accept it.

what was i thinkin last may!

wasting away for weeks

just dying for a chance to get in

O&M

BBDO-GO

McCann

JWT

etc.

etc.

etc.

(yeah you f*ckin name it)

geez.

how pathetic.

but what was i to do? i needed mmmoney.

no wonder no one stays in one agency for long.

no wonder the word burnout exists.

no wonder it pays so well.

its a shitty job.

its so meaningless. it all just smells of capitalism.

i know all jobs involve hard work. but in advertising

so much time so much hardwork for what?

the money?

so you can retire early and do whatever you want?

whoa. hows that the way to live.

If Philippine advertising is a mirror of the Philippines.

gawd are we that ugly?

yeah im disillusioned.

but i had to know.

and now i know.

so i think a little career reorientation is in order.

looks like i only have two options

a starving artist or a starving artist.

shit.

i might as well go runnin’ back.

im an idealist but not a martyr.

do you know what bothered me the most?

when i first got the job i saw a lot of crappy (head-shaking) ads

three months into it i was making the crappy (head-shaking) ads myself.

but you can’t blame me.

why, its just the way it is.

and there i was dreamin that i would usher in the advertising renaissance,

whatta f*cker.

no one can change it.

it’s smeared with money.

yeah it does public service

but how good?

how often?

for the most part the product is shoved right at you.

***

But last Friday was one of the best days of my life.

And advertising gave it to me.

***

nothing makes sense anymore.

This Sunday night it feels like the end.

So

I tried to make the most out of the weekend by goin out and spending. I finally set foot inside Fullybooked Bonifacio last saturday together with my great college friends (Nice place. though the books are still a bit overpriced. what i liked about it: a cheaper kafka title and a copy of Bjork’s Vespertine!) We killed time walkin around Bonifacio High Street while imagining how it would it feel like to live in Serendra. We went to Market! Market! for gigay’s belated birthday dinner treat. and the rest of the evening was spent talking till 12am at a friendly neighborhood Starbucks.

sunday,

we were supposed to watch the UAAP cheering competition; my sister and I stood in line for an hour and a half only to find out that the tickets were sold out. dismayed, we ate an expensive merienda–my treat-which left me broke. i felt sleepy after eating, but i got dragged to check out the tiangges till evening…then dread started creepin over.

***

My motto for these past weeks has been

"life is short might as well _______."

My life slogan

"I’m alive but I don’t feel like I’m living."

My popular advised remedy

"You need a girlfriend"

this is it. there’s no turning back. a life changing decision. a choice.

i’ll do it tomorrow then.

im tired of justifying my reasons.

stupid

after just a few months?

easy way out

cry baby

a disappointment

whino

etc.

im an adult.

i’ve arrived at a decision taking full responsibility for the consequences.

i may not have a good idea how sloppy will the shit hit the fan…but

its a risk i am willing to take.

I’m grateful! believe me.

Gad!

all my life i’ve lived on the safe side.

less risks or no risks even, if possible.

geez am i starring in a Devil Wears Prada remake?
(shivers).

at least i still have something to look forward to this week.

FALL OUT BOY.

yes!

I’m tempted to hand it in on the day of the gig. for a "very fitting" effect.

I’m the fall out boy!

can’t you see?

but that was before i read the policy that you have to warn the gov’t a month in advance.

bummer, that ruined my style.

but i can choose not to go to work.

though im advised to make a clean break in good terms.

i’m well aware that i can easily be replaced. "a lot of freshgrads would kill for my job."

i guess

its just a question of how much i want it.

might as well give a chance to someone who wants it that bad.

bahala na.

if i learned anything significant in this industry

that is worth remembering

(besides, "its ok to get drunk on a thursday night." yeah!)

it is

not to care what other people think.

***

tara!

sanay sa hirap ‘to.

oh autumn’s comin up! fall. fall. fall!

FALL TV IS COMING!

my old TV favorites

Heroes

Ugly Betty

Grey’s Anatomy (eek)

Friday Night Lights (yes!)

30 Rock (whatta good finale can’t wait for season 2!)

return for new episodes.

too bad that i still havent watched:

Weeds

the Tudors

Dexter

the 2nd season of Huff

ive been doin the rounds/visiting the various american TV websites and i saw some new fall shows worth checkin.

Hurray for fall!

man

i should quit my job

i just wanna watch TV.