A Generic Break-Up Letter
29 05 2006Do you desperately need to dump someone and you want the blame to fall on somebody else?
Fret no more! my generic "your dumped" letter can get you out of that rut simply by filling out the form below and "accidentally" forwarding it to the intended recipient.
Sounds freakin dumb?
Good news, you’re stupid!
Fret no more! my generic "your dumped" letter can get you out of that rut simply by filling out the form below and "accidentally" forwarding it to the intended recipient.
Sounds freakin dumb?
Good news, you’re stupid!
WARNING: Only for women suffering from a long distance relationship with a boyfriend of the same race (but grew up in NY) who visited his hometown for the summer holidays and who, unfortunately, got infatuated (?) with her, engaging them to swirl in a windswept bliss that culminated in the sudden departure of the guy only after two weeks of hooking up together.
Dearest (his name) ,
When you left for (his destination), I was (adjective) about our (whatever you call the bonding you share). It has been (duration of his departure) since you left. The (write the mode/s of communication you both used to suppress the loneliness) for awhile it kept me (phrase that describes the positive effect/s that the mode/s of communication brought). All my (personal attachment/s) think I am (other demeaning adj. besides stupid) , but i cant help it if I (the "L" word if it is necessary) you.
Soon enough, we barely got in touch (Come on it was inevitable) . I am not expecting you to (the means of communication you mentioned) me (frequency of the mode/s of communication that you suspect he thinks is what you are expecting and he finds it unreasonable) but in those gaps of silence, it only made me realize how much (phrase that describes the rotten feeling you never expected to feel) you. Each (mode/s of communication) we had you left (promises/plans) , it made me yearn for them. It (word that that justifies your ignorance) me from the truth that I was trying to get away from. I’m just falling more in love with the idea of you in my mind (yes you were) . What can I do? It was better than nothing (yes, who can blame you?) .
It all changed when your trust in me waned (shit) . You got so paranoid that even a night out with my friends makes you (insert cuss word) (emotion he feels) . It was (positive adj. like cute) at first. But I never expected it to become the only thing we talk about in your succeeding (means of communication) (asshole!) .
I’m tired (his name) .
Keeping this (whatever you call the bonding you share) . Isn’t healthy for the both of us. (elaborate with more break-up cliches if you want) I love you but i guess I’m just a (demeaning adj.) .
(Dramatic goodbye sentence)
(Your name)
***
To Zia who woke me up at 4am
PS As of writing they are now back together
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
hehehehe
Jedi…
thank you but i have my own style.
but u know a letter won’t do it.
hehehe.
it’s not that genric by the way.
Uhmmm Havent you heard of irony? its a literary device?
no?
–joke!
opkors its yours.
malakas ka sakin eh. magbreak na kasi kayo.
nice one