left-handed wanders

Was at the Eagles of Hope Bazaar this afternoon
look at what i found

Solveig Sandes’s album! “ANALOG” hehehe
takes me back to the late 90’s
if you don’t who she is you might remember her song “Marie”
the one that goes “Marie, Marie, Marie you’re a shiny pearl…”
it’s on sale for Php 50 so I bought it immediately.

Was at Starbucks Katipunan for the remainder of the afternoon. what an expensive way to get a clean well lighted place to read.

You should be careful when traversing this branch of Starbucks. Cause no matter what you say it is blue-blood territory. but still i spent the remainder of my bday sharing a table with 4 kolehiyalas. thankfully they’re not the loud kind.

Starbucks & I

i never went to starbucks katipunan as an undergrad basically because i can’t afford anything on the menu. but i really didn’t care during that time cause I wasn’t really a coffee drinker. so why do i go there now? NO. it’s not to reclaim something lost from childhood, it’s just that whole artsy-intellectual thing in cafes, is. well. true for me.

Yeah it sounds so pretentious I know, but it works, cafes are kinda conducive to anything contemplative. or maybe i’m just justifying the whole experience cause a frappe costs a 100+ hehehe so even if I now have a job, i still don’t go there as often as I’d like cause yeah, i still can’t afford it (frequently)

to illustrate:

everytime i go to the counter and order my staple non-coffee based frappe/green tea and get asked what size i say, “uh the largest?”

the first time i ordered, and got asked what name to put on the cup…I gave my first name & surname LOL

takes me back to my TFA class where in my classmate Rama told the prof that poor people go to Starbucks just to be seen that they ARE going to Starbucks. yes they order something and drink the damn product till it lasts but when they go home they eat galunggong (cheap fish)

cracks me up everytime hehehe

just goes to show how this consumer culture is just tough to break.

anyways…

for the roughly 2 hours I spent with my seatmates i’ve managed to prove a couple of things

1. english speaking, they are. but. you can’t blame them somehow the twang is infectious.
yes. when i got home i was speaking english hehehe so imagine if all of your classmates are like that, and you’re with them everyday.

2. ateneo has math majors in hot pants. as murdoch said “cleverness can be sexual power”
how true.

3. listening to kolehiyala 1 explaining greek drama to kolehiyala 2 can be interesting.

cheers to starbucks then. I hope they open one inside the campus.
and stupid me. who said that you should buy the courtesy latte just to be able to sit there.
Heck! a lot of those kids do it, yeah! i’ll join the club

and get turned out.

peace.

Here at the office right now, at Ateneo, this gated community that’s kinda growin’ on me already. So today is my 22nd birthday. And it got off at an unusual start coz I was at Sheng’s wake till early AM.

Ayeen tagged along with Zia to the wake as well, so at least I had someone to talk to since the Girls were busy with the AVP and stuff. Ayeen is Ziaan’s younger sister who works at GMA 7 one of the bigger TV networks here in the Philippines. And so what better way to exploit her position than to know the latest dirt about the “Kapuso” celebrities/shows.

Whoops.
I think the stuff we talked about is confidential so I can’t really talk about it.

But it was a nice chat, she’s a young smart girl, I can see she’s going places hehehe and i think her jobs more exciting than mine. well yeah if you compare it to gigay’s stylish agency life right now and hers mine looks so boring, well not boring–idyllic?

Movin’ along, well basically it’s a basic “adult” birthday so far. no balloons. no gifts (except for Mama’s, luv u mwah.) and at this point not much money. my haiskul/college/work frends are all asking for a blowout but I just shrug and tell them that my online purchase is arriving (hopefully) this week and that I’m broke pretty much after that. and the next payday and the Christmas bonus have all been budgeted to fit the things I wanna buy
scouting for a decent vacuum cleaner in the mall I guess, oh and my new bookshelf is arriving this week too.

I had a decent sleep time last night even though I’m still awfully sleepy almost everyday. sigh. brain. consciousness. we will get through this. stay with me!

So here’s to another year. World. Universe. Earth. Life

XOXO

This morning a friend, someone I know, passed away.

We weren’t close-close but still I’m shaken. It’s different, you know, when someone dies. There’s just no chance you can ever meet again and that brutal finality is just so harsh.

My friend Sheng passed away today. And it is just awful.

Yes.

How it reminds me again of how life is so short. Because when we were in college, I never thought that this would happen somehow you always feel like you’ll live for a LONG time. But you don’t. And all your plans, dreams and hopes for the future will just be irrelevant /erased. But the thing is you’ll never know when your time is up. So. We all still plan, dream and hope.

Goodbye to you Sheng.

I’ll keep in my heart:

the time we talked about literature.

the time when you talked about the loves of your life, your husband and kids.

my gush of gladness, to know that I wasn’t the only one in the Philippines who loves Coupling (TV Show).

It’s so weird to read your comment again from my post of summers ago.

In that better place where you are, we’ll be thinking of you.

So I was ready to tune in to the BBC to catch Click only to find out that the scheduled programming is messed up yet again (watsup with that). So I flipped through the other news networks and settled on Aljazeera.

The news clip showed a reporter asking Americans (in Ohio) what they think about Obama. And like word vomits, the words “terrorist”, “he might have something against white people” etc. came dribbling out.

the news bit has generated a lot of controversy and the show I caught (Listening Station?) was about clearing the hung ups the network has caught after showing the piece. The main accusation was that Aljazeera was trying to generate more anti-American sentiment a blame that they shrugged off by saying that racism is a fact that plagues the US elections–and that the big news networks like CNN, are very docile, if not, scared to probe the subject even further.

well, for me as a Filipino in the Philippines, I’m a bit surprised. Cause, well I thought that race is not an issue anymore, you know…but i guess i’m dumb because I think i get that image from TV and the movies. Oh well.

But I’ve always known that just like we have people in the “provinces” here, I keep forgetting that the US has it too…besides the east Coast and the West Coast you have this massive in between fleshin’ out what remains of the 50 states.

I was even surprised that one person commented on Obama’s religion and how he think McCain is the “true” Christian.

How do we make sense of this then?

I think it is easy for any people of any race to be racist, I think it just can’t be helped…

I’m even racist of my own race sometimes so, wattup with that?

the important thing is we get over our initial reactions and start judging, if you may, the book by its contents. Well about Obama or McCain, I really don’t know. I haven’t followed the debates lately and besides I’m not “voting”. But no matter what happens the new president from our once colonizer will affect our lives, my life, in sleepy 3rd world Manila.

so guys umayos naman kayo dyan (get it together)

Is this too black and white?

What a feast for the eyes.

the look is just so seamless. the lid, the drive slot and the ports, Aaahh.

Are you the kind of employee who makes his/her space home-y?

Me? I haven’t given it much thought when I first started out working almost 2 years ago but now I see the appeal of it–the necessity.

Cause for us, office workers chained to a desk five times a week you gotta have a little consolation for the monotony and one of the most economical ways is to spice up ur desk. You know, make it cozy and inviting…or if you dare, INSPIRING.

People have commented that my space is too bare. Well I kept it minimal since an iMac is the only accessory any desk needs…wrong! As months pass you begin to feel the coldness of its aluminum chassis, that, that suffocating hermetically sealed interior with a glossy glass finish, that black bezel like a growing void…that loneli–sorry about that.

Actually my desk is situated in a nice spot. I have a window with a view of the trees…so i’m sensitive about the weather–so natural light is ok.

I’ve managed to hull stuff through the months, so I guess my desk has more character now

*I keep gigay’s postcard from Paris (a pic of the louvre) and the eiffel tower miniature near HAL2 (the iMac) for escapism

*A union Jack cookie jar (with no cookies) to remind me of london town

*Books and book ends–my ultimate security blanket coz why should you not have good reads at the office? (though im workin’ on that, they’re mostly computer and design books, give me “L”iterature!)

*Michael’s turtle Keychain from Palawan and a scented candle from dex

*a clip mount with a clown face from Chi, holding a stampita of st ignatius, my ranchero poster, and my Phil Health ID.

*rosary from rome courtesy of father wrapped around a small wine bottle–

*which doubles as a vase, wish i could have a single fresh daisy everyday (to keep me happy)

*a jagermeister tin can as pen holder

*vanilla scented soap as air freshener

*a memo holder with a maria della strada postcard, calling cards, and a miniature aztec calendar carved by laser from sister

*an external HDD

*a miniature Airbus A319 (to whisk me away)

*and all those miscellaneous documents, bits of paper, clips, pens and stuff…

I shouldve just posted a picture right?

hehehe

my next project is to cover up the bare walls (painted in a pastel mint green) i want a vintage art nouveau poster but im afraid you can’t get that locally,

or an old wall clock? hehehe

any ideas?

Surprisingly the book kept me up till 2am unfortunately too sleepy to finish the remaining 20 pages. What a nice bildungsroman it has turned out though Mildred Rogers almost ruined it for me. Maugham is incredibly readable but the insight (the profound, the sublime) is not lost.

I have ceased to look for parallels between Carey and I. Minus the clubfoot (and other emabarassing/awkward things to mention) I can easily romanticize and say that I “am” Carey (hehehe). The academic path he took is striking, achiever-clergyman-accountant in london-artist in paris-doctor…hmmm If the timeline is indisputable, if we really  are one person, where am I at this point in my life?

hmmm I could treat high school and college as my dangerous brush with the clergy; Makati as my stint at Herbert Carter & Co.–how do I account the time here in Ateneo? hmmm it can’t be the artistic Parisian phase…but I guess I can justify it with the bohemian setting…so I’m in transition to the second London medicine phase .

Too bad haven’t met a Ms Wilkinson but not looking forward especially to a Mildred Rogers *shudders.

So I’ m in purgatory for the rest of the week after that my London Phase shall be determined. Hope I don’t get into poverty too much cause I can’t imagine myself starving.

But over all “Of Human Bondage” is a required reading for the whole human race. It sheds light into our mortal coil. Love, poverty, knowledge, morality–the meaning of life–Maugham discusses it all. Now I can see why many authors like him. It’s a great read, definitely.

One down, a bugillion to go.

Nasa Corpus Christi ako nun nung una akong makakita ng computer. Eto yung private iskul na pinamalagian ko hanggang grade III, ito yung mga panahon na ok ang lagay namin sa buhay. At least sa tingin ko, iyon pala kasi’y ang lola ko pala ang bumubuhay o tumutulong bumuhay samen nung nasa Amerika pa siya. Unfortunately namatay sa breast cancer ang lola ko…nasabi ko na ba na hindi ako lumaki ng may grandparents? na kwento ko na ata yun. Namatay na kasi ang mga magulang ng nanay ko nung 8 yrs old palang siya. Sa tatay ko naman mga early nineties nachugi na, ang kaniyang ama dahil sa hart atak at ang lola, kakasabi ko palang. Ito narin pala ang tanging dalawang rason para umuwi kami sa Basilan, sa dulo ng mundo, hanggang ngayon.

Nung nasa Corpus ako sosyal ang edukasyon ko kasi kasi grade I palang eh may computer education na kami agad take note early nineties ito ha. Nung mga panahon na iyon wala lang naman saken kasi parang ano nga naman ba pwede mong gawin sa computer nun diba??? Naalala ko na tinuruan kami mag-format ng floppy disk, eto pa yung disks na kasing laki ng platito (5.5 as opposed to the 3.5 inch) at syempre floppy or flimsy, you know. Mekanikal ang proseso nandun ka nakatingin sa black and white na screen tapos pinag-tsopsuey2x na titik at letra lang ang makikita at itatype mo. Eto ang panahon ng DOS or Disk Operating System. Naalala ko pa na pinabili ko ang aking ina ng diskette at parehas naming hindi alam kung ano iyon. Nagtanong siya sa National at kalaunan ay naguwi ng floppy disk at heto pa naalala ko pa ang tatak Mitsubishi!

Medyo hindi naging madalas ang pagdalaw namin sa computer lab na yun kung madalas man eh hindi ko na kasi masyado maalala. Ngunit tumatak naman sa isip ko ang history ng computer na napulot ko doon, nandun yung mga pangalang “Charles Babbage” tapos yung earliest types nung computer yung Univac I yung ENIAC??? ewan ko basta. At syempre ang pinaka-nakafascinate saken na konsepto ang computer “virus” naalala ko pa sa supplemental magazine namin yung illustration at headline na “Queen Virusa” hehehe ang jologs diba? ngunit natuwa ako sa aspetong ito ng computing na pwedeng magkasakit ang isang makina, wala lang.

Nung mamatay ang lola ko, si lola Miriam or “Mi” for short hindi na nakayanan ng aking ama ang malaking tuition fee kaya yun napatapon kami sa public school or, that ghastly term, “Public”. Ang pag-alis ko sa Corpus na pala ang huling  pagkakataon kong mag-aral sa isang religious institusyon. Masasabi kong dark ages for my computing history ang pag-alis ko sa private school. Kasi gudlak nalang kung maka-afford ng computer and pinasukan ko. though alam mo yun naging maarte kasi ako nung mga panahon na iyon…akala ko kasi tlga mga batang mabaho at uhugin ang mga nag-aaral sa “public” at syempre mortified ako na what if my classmates knew??? the shame!

hindi ko tuloy malilimutan ang taxi ride na kung saan dinaan kami ni papa sa bagong “School” namen, sa may tabi ng palengke…what can I say umiyak ako sa loob ng cab. akala ko kasi makikita ko pa yung mga classmates ko that i left before summer started…ni hindi man lang ako nakapag-paalam kasi biglaan tlga. Kaya yun ilang gabi kong iniyakan ang balitang iyon. dito nag-start ang pagkamulat ko sa ibang mukha ng buhay. dito ko sa public sinanla ang black leather shoes ko for something more accessible as rubber shoes or tsinelas ang. Never ko ma-imagine na I would be one of those kids na naka-tsinelas pumasok sa skul and worst! they walk or take the trike! Nooo!!!

medyo naging worried saken yung mga parents ko pasalamat nalang at di nila ko ginulpi. at dito nangyari ang isang scene na hindi ko malilimutan. dumalaw saken ang ninong Len ko. Isa siya sa kabarkada ni papa na close niya tlga mayaman siya I used to have lots of great xmas gifs from him when i was young…ayun…ito kasi yung time na bumili siya ng bagong mercedes benz na sasakyan. dumalaw siya minsan sa bahay at sinama ako sa labas to take it for a spin. inside the car from what i remember he told me na he went to the same public school when he was young. sabi niya hindi naman daw sa school yun eh…nung mga panahon yun ewan ko kung tatanga-tanga din lang ako, hindi ko naintindihan…he died of cancer when I was in highschool.

hayunnn ganun ako ka-arte nung unang months ko sa public. ang tigas ng mukha ko kasi i always assumed na I was not like my classmates iba ako sa kanila. pero nung lumipas ang mga panahon lalo na nung nabaon na sa credit card debt si papa narealize ko na I was never part of the wealthy middle class in the first place. kaya imbes na magtype-type sa computer or maglaro or take sumkinda like recreation nung nasa private ako nasa putikan kami at nagtatanim ng petsay o nag-rarake (hahaha) ng basura sa compost pits sa public. pera syempre may mga mayaman din naman akong classmates at sa seatmate ko narinig ang Windows 95. malabo pa nga ang description basta sabi niya lang saken maganda daw ang computer nila kasi Windows 95 daw, malay ko ba kung ano yun. hehehe madalas ko rin pala siya hingan ng ulam nun tuwing recess kasi masarap yung baon niya lagi.

Hindi ako nakagamit ng computer hanggang magtapos ako ng elementary. Para san pa eh hindi naman ako marunong gumamit. Atsaka hindi naman kasi uso pa yung printed na papers noon purp finofolder lahat at sulat kamay parin. Ngunit nagsimulang magbago ang lahat nung haiskul.

Ayos naman ang mga computer lab naming nun pwede na kung sa pwede. Naturuan kaming gumamit ng Microsoft office nung 1st yr ata…syempre ang pinakamadali eh yung Word. Gustong-gusto naming yung computer lab nun kasi dun lang kami nakaka-experience ng aircon. Kahit anong pawis mo sa singit o kili-kili bago pumasok eh swak namang magiging icicles pag pasok mo sa loob. Uso samin yung “groups” kasi limitado lang naman ang mga makina so usually 5-7 is to 1 ang set-up namin. Kung may activity na ipapagawa si Ma’am otomatik ng naka-upo sa harap at may hawak ng keyboard ang pinakamabilis mag-type sa grupo ang mga natira naman eh nasa paligid nag-iisip/nagbabasa kung paano gagawin yung activity.

Masasabi ko na trial and error pati through exploration ako natuto gumamit ng Windows PC. At habang umakyat kami ng baitang sa mataas na paaralan, naging mas-sopistikado na ang mga software na itinuro sa amin…nag frontpage kami tapos Access, tapos Adobe. Photoshop lang ang nahawakan naming nun version 5.5 pa nga eh hehehe pati Pagemaker 6.5! At dito nagsimula ang tambayan sa computer shops. Sa klase namen kasi kakarampot lang naman yung may computer sa bahay at masbihira pa yung may dial-up para sa internet. So, kung may malaking proyektong nakatakda ang buong klase eh tumatambay sa mga computer shops hanggang matapos. Hindi ko makakalimutan yung mga panahon na iyon. Internet cafes were the extension of our classrooms after school hours.

Problema pa nun kung paano isa-save ang gawa mo since 4mb lang naman ang kasiya sa diskette. Hindi pa uso ang CD burning lalo na ang flash drives! Ngunit natuto kami. Natuto kami dumepende sa mga computer.

Naalala ko nun kung saan ako unang nagkaroon ng email. Sa excite.com siya, at sa opisina ng aking ama ito ginawa. Ginawan ako nung writer nila papa na-duty nun. Madalas kasi dati, pumupunta ako dun para lang  mag-internet. Kasi junky tlga ako nun sa net. Hindi ako na-hook sa PC games pati online RPGs ngunit na-addict ako sa MIRC pati surfing. Hehehe dito ako natutong sumulit ng isang oras upang pigain ang worldwideweb sa kung anong mang magagatas ko dito.

Tumuntong ako sa Kolehiyo na walang sariling PC sa bahay. Teka…nagkaroon pala kami for a brief time nung haiskul ako, 3rd yr.

Paano? Nauwi kasi ni Papa ang lumang computer nila sa opisina na dapat itatapon na. Halos hindi ko ito naggamit dahil pagkatapos ng ilang linggo eh binahayan ng bubwit ang loob ng CPU. Seryoso. Nung binuksan namin eh tumambad samen ang basang motherboard na may abubot na mga tae.

Again college,
Nahirapan ako nung freshmen ako, well actually hindi naman “N-ahirapan” but I thought it very inconvenient. Sa major subjects ko nun eh halos de-papel at de-kamay lahat ng proyekto naming sa pag-guhit at dibuho kaya walang problema, ngunit sa ibang klase ko lalo na sa humanities at social sciences eh marami ang research at paperwork. Ang set-up ko nun eh, isusulat ko ang draft ko sa notebook, at in between classes tatakbo ako sa shopping center para magrenta ng computer to do simple word processing. Akala mo siguro eh madali lang…buti sana kung ang pagpunta lang sa Shopping center ang proproblemahin mo. Pero, paano kung halos buong UP ang nag-aagawan sa mga computer para mag-cram? 0o, patay ka tlga. Hahaha at hindi pa nagtatapos dyan ang ka-jologsan ng shopping center, notorious kasi ang pagpatay-sindi ng kuryente dito, anong UPS? ulol. Kaya magdasal ka nalang na na-save mo ang ginagawa mo. Malas mo na tlga kung ilang oras pa bago bumalik ulit ang kuryente—oo nangyayari din yun.

Pero nung nagsecond sem ako ng freshmen yr ko, nabiyayaan ako ng aking tita ng lumang laptop na kaniyang ginagamit, bumili narin si papa ng murang printer namin nun. Nagpasalamat ako sa Maykapal. Sa wakas nakakagawa na ako ng paper hanggang madaling araw at makakapagprint agad-agad, kung kelan ako sipagin, kung kelan ko gusto…na-appreciate ko ito ng sobra. Pero nung dumating na ang second yr-pataas, naging mas “demanding” na ang pangangailangan ko sa makina.

…at dito umenter ang made-to-order naming computer, na sinustentuhan muli, ng aking tita.

Generic ito kung tawagin pero, Pentium 4 naman ang processor. Tumagal naman siya sa amin. At in-fairness pati thesis ko eh sa kaniya ko ginawa. Ngunit naging malaki ang problema naming sa virus nun. At iba pa…sabagay pirated Windows XP ang OS.

>>>
Naging usapan sa aming graduating batch ang competence naming gumamit ng Mac OS. Naalala ko pa yung unang macintosh computer na “nagamit” ko. Pero mamaya na yun. Ang sabi kasi sameng mga chikiting sa “real” world daw eh puro Mac ang gamit yun daw kasi ang choice ng mga creatives.

Ang una kong palagay eh, “bullshit”.

Yung isang prof naming dati eh apple user, palibhasa kasi’y nag-aral sa San Francisco (huh?). Dinadala niya minsan ang laptop niya sa klase at minsa’y nagkuwento sa kaayusan ng Mac. Ewan ko ah kung iisipin parang imposible ngayon pero ginagamit niyang pang-design ang iBook G4 noon…natuwa lang ako kasi ang cute nung power adapter pati yung animated dock na may icons na lumiliit at lumalaki…eye candy kung eye candy talaga.

Nung lumaon at nag-OJT kami, doon ko nga nakita na Mac nga ang gamit ng mga ad agencies pero sa creative dept lang naman,  yung mga “suits” PC parin. Eto nanaman ah parang imposible ngayon pero eMac lang ang ginagamit nila noon parang mag-design.
Dito ko napansin ang difference ng first world technology na pilit ina-adapt sa 3rd world setting: Pilit. Well yun nga lang you can’t deny na cute siya…at cool.

So, nung makawala na ako sa lungga ng akademikong institusyon, sinaksak sa utak ko ang “Jobist” ideolohiya: na Mac lang ang dapat gamitin ko. Kamay na ng Kapitalismo kung kamay ng kapitalismo eh anong magagawa ko eh dito ako sa Pilipinas nakatira. 3rd world kung 3rd world.

Kaya yun…

Nasanay na akong gumawa ng mga bagay bagay sa ilalim ng ilaw ng mansanas. Ngunit masasabi kong hindi ako windows hater katulad nung mga ibang mac user na ka-putanginahan ang pagka-OA. Lalo na nung dumating yung Vista…ako I like Vista. This time kasi nung pinagpahinga na naming ang aming BTO na PC, ako na ang bumili ng bagong PC para sa aking mga kapatid. At for the first time in our lives orig yung vista OS namin. Well siguro nainis din lang ako sa XP naming noon dahil puro virus…pero yun nga hindi naming kasi kami nag-sosoftware update…hehehe

So iyon…

At binayayaan pa ako ng Panginoon ng isang Macbook Pro akala ko natapos na nung bumili yung opisina ng aluminum iMac para gamitin ko.

Dito ko ulit nakita na sa buhay talagang hindi mo alam kung anong mga puwedeng mangyari. Isa siyang panget at magandang aspeto nito. Kaya hindi ko na ring  makuhang magreklamo pa. hindi ito usaping mac vs windows, dahil I don’t have a say naman tlga… most likely pag nasira itong si Hal (my notebook’s name) balik PC na ulet ako kasi mahal siya kahit pa sabihing may sweldo na ako…atsaka hindi ko rin naman kailangan ito. Once you know I move on to other things…

So for as long as it lasts, i-eenjoy ko nalang ang/na

Mag-wifi kahit saan sa bahay
Mag-back-up gamit ang Time Machine
Haplus-haplusin ang metallic finish
Rumaket

***
New Apple notebooks are rolling out this Tuesday.
Like the rest of the world I’m dying to know what the new family looks like.
But not upgrading.
Here’s to my history of computing, here’s to the future of computing.